I have tried to maintain a blog a few times before, with little to no success. I hope this time is different. I feel as if I am on a precipice. I have been adrift in life for so long but I'm working on getting closer to happiness. I am hoping that by concentrating on this goal the other pieces of my life fall in place. It seems that an important part of this effort is organizing and writing my thoughts. So here we go...
My first dramatic step in improving my life has been the effort to quit smoking. I'm proud to report that today is my 17th day tobacco free. As I was pulling out of Dunkin Donuts with my iced latte in hand, I realized that this was the first morning that I didn't instantly crave a cigarette upon starting up my car. I didn't even have the thought to chew a piece of the life saving nicotine gum!
I had a bad craving this past Saturday when I filled in for a team leader at work but it passed with time and I haven't had one that strong since. I am really proud of myself and it has been great to have so much positive reinforcement at work. I have often felt that I was a outsider in this world, but just the simple progress checks and words of encouragement I have gotten not only helps me stick to my goal, but also realize that I am cared for more than I thought.
A co-worker of mine told me today that she was accepted to graduate school and was leaving by the end of the month. She was so happy that she was literally grinning ear to ear. Although I am truly happy for her, I am jealous of her self-awareness and courage. Will I ever be able to find purpose that could make me that happy? When I do, will I have the courage to drop my somewhat comfortable life to pursue it?
Tomorrow I want to try to notice something in my enviroment and take the time to admire it. I have a habit to rush through life, moving from one task to another. I want to take the time to examine something and develop my thoughts. Hopefully this will be part of my blog tomorrow!
My favorite quote of the moment:
"Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. " - Mark Twain
